My Secret

Sometimes I want to shout from the rooftop that my husband has cheated on me.  I want to scream it form the front of the church.  Why must we suffer in silence.  Sometimes I feel like if people knew what I had been through, they would be nicer to me, sweeter, helpful in a way.  But then I think how ashamed I would feel knowing that others knew he’s touched another woman other than his wife.  I think I still believe it was my fault.  In a lot of ways he’s made me feel that it is my fault.  It’s my Lichen Sclerosis.  It was the fact I had just had a baby.  It was the fact that I always turned him down.  It was the fact that I was too fat.

So when I think of sharing my secret, I hesitate.  There are only a few select people who know my secret.  The rest of the world sees an idealistic me, walking around, going about life like everyone else.  But this secret is heavy.  I still want people to know he’s a scum bag.  I want to shout it from the rooftops….HE’S A CHEATER!

Ugh.  It’s such a shitty place to be.