Oh the tears I have cried. If I had a 5 gallon bucket, it would overflow. Lately the tears come easily, which I’ve been told by a few friends that depression may have settled in. I’m so broken about my marriage but the gash of infidelity really breaks my heart for my children. The storm that rages around them and they have no clue. Well, for the most part they don’t. They know my emotions are on edge (which is another blog for another day). However tonight, while cooking dinner, I heard a song that ministered to my heart 5 years ago when I had suffered 6 miscarriages in a row. It was an oldie for my heart but a goodie. The bridge of the song had never meant much to me, until I heard it today. The words rang true. I’m in a different chapter now, one that I’m not happy to be in and it was spot on.
I sure hope my tears mean something. I read “The Shack” by Brad Cummings during my “miscarriage” chapter of life and one of the characters in the book, The Holy Spirit, collected the tears of those crying. This image of the Holy Spirit collecting my tears helps my heart. My tears may not be in vain, at least I hope not.
“When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home”
This. This touched my heart.
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things
‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise
Unfaithful: For Better or Worse 