For better or worse

He lied…almost nine years ago, he lied.

I,  Chad, take you Candace, to have and to hold
from this day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
till death us do part,
according to God’s holy law;
in the presence of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

He lied…almost nine years ago, he lied.  I married a liar. The father of my children is a liar. I’ve thought a lot about that evening in February, surrounded by our family and friends.  I made a choice to honor my covenant with God and he broke his.  SO where does that leave me?  Basically a mess.  A state of chaos.  An emotional nightmare.  Wrestling with divorce. Clinging to anything stable.

Infidelity is a tricky place.  It leaves you raw and angry.  It leaves you bitter about people and un-trusting of others.   It leaves doubt in your mind because everything you once thought was true, is in fact, not.

I want to go back.  Have a do over.  This is a death.  The death of what was, and the death of a dream.  I hope that one day, I will be able to look back and see how far God has brought me.  I hope I see that His love carried me.  I am sure with all that I am, that His love IS enough.  Because it has to be. It’s all I have at this point.