For better or worse

He lied…almost nine years ago, he lied.

I,  Chad, take you Candace, to have and to hold
from this day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
till death us do part,
according to God’s holy law;
in the presence of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

He lied…almost nine years ago, he lied.  I married a liar. The father of my children is a liar. I’ve thought a lot about that evening in February, surrounded by our family and friends.  I made a choice to honor my covenant with God and he broke his.  SO where does that leave me?  Basically a mess.  A state of chaos.  An emotional nightmare.  Wrestling with divorce. Clinging to anything stable.

Infidelity is a tricky place.  It leaves you raw and angry.  It leaves you bitter about people and un-trusting of others.   It leaves doubt in your mind because everything you once thought was true, is in fact, not.

I want to go back.  Have a do over.  This is a death.  The death of what was, and the death of a dream.  I hope that one day, I will be able to look back and see how far God has brought me.  I hope I see that His love carried me.  I am sure with all that I am, that His love IS enough.  Because it has to be. It’s all I have at this point.

2 thoughts on “For better or worse

  1. Not sure if your real name is Candace, but hello Candace. Sorry you are here…part of the betrayeds. The pain is indescribable, although we all try.

    I write too. I wrote thousands and thousands and thousands of words, and it helped.

    My story starts here (https://savingshards.com/2015/11/08/first-post-is-the-hardest/). My story is unfolding in healing. We are two different people with a different marriage, and it is good. The path was excruciating, and still spirals some days, but we have new purpose and ways to connect and dedication to honesty. It can happen.

    So, welcome. You will find support here…lean in to it. And be very kind to yourself. I’m thinking of you.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s